I must confess something. I have an extremely weird phobia. I am absolutely terrified of caterpillars. My fear of caterpillars is HUGE and inescapable. Like: squeal, shriek, run away, sometimes get dizzy, faint or even spontaneously vomit kind of fear (PS - you don't want the last two conditions to occur at the same time). I have had this fear since I was a little girl growing up in New Orleans. In New Orleans, we have massive live oak trees that line all the streets and sometimes even grow over them to create a kind of arborous tunnel. In the late Spring, the gypsy moth caterpillars hatch and squirm their insidious way up the oak tree trunks to the leaves where they munch away on the tasty oak leaves. They also sometimes fall out of the trees onto unsuspecting youngsters heads and have been known to cover the sidewalks like a fuzzy moving, heaving mass of disgustingness. Now, this description may be making you slightly more sympathetic to pathetic, crazy me. BUT, everybody I know who grew up in New Orleans under the exact same circumstances does not have this fear.
Caterpillar phobia is so unique and bizarre that there is no Latin or medical word for it. Part of the problem stems from the fact that caterpillars are actually the larval stage of moths and butterflies, so they don't have a specific genus or species name other than the moths and butterflies they eventually grow into. And yet, caterpillars are an entity of their own, aren't they...?
Needless to say, I am incapable of removing or disposing of caterpillars should an errant one make the mistake of crawling onto my driveway, or OMG!, even into my garage. I have always had to have a "Caterpillar Disposal Team" at the ready to save me from the evil creatures whenever I have encountered one. For the last 8 years my "Caterpillar Disposal Team" consisted of Steven and Natalie (I think Joanne may have also saved my sorry ass once or twice). So, imagine my horror and dismay at encountering a long, black wriggling specimen of terror-inducing woe inching himself across my garage floor this afternoon. AAAAAAaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I, of course, ran screaming into the house and doubled over in the laundry room clutching my heaving stomach and hyperventilated for a while until I saw spots dancing before my eyes. OK, time to get a grip and assess the situation. I cannot and will not let said caterpillar make it across the garage and into my pile of possessions, or worse, Omigod, into the house! My "Caterpillar Disposal Team" is now permanently lacking team-member Steven; Natalie is at school; Joanne had the audacity to move to Florida (stinker!). That leaves me with two choices: I can go to my neighbors' house and exhibit myself as a totally insane fool; or, I can deal with the horrid creature myself. NO. No, no, no, no, no, no, no! More heavy breathing and nausea. But, I can feel him creeping towards me on the other side of that door.. he's out there and he's coming for me. ("Psycho" shower scene music)...
I gathered every bit of calm, self-assurance that I exhibit when confronted with a traffic cop who points out that I was going 20 miles over the speed limit. Translated, that means I was perspiring like a lawn sprinkler and my hands were shaking like an alcoholic with the DTs. Positive reinforcement is what I need. "I can do this." "I CAN do this." "I can DO this." "I can do THIS!" "I can whup-ass that little caterpillar out there and FACE MY FEAR!" So, I opened the door a crack and timidly peaked out. He was still there! And he was two feet farther into the garage than when I first made eye-contact with the little bastard! OK, now I'm working up some righteous anger: what business does that skanky-butt little critter have doin' in my garage? I whipped the door open (slammed it back after me just in case he developed super-natural powers and teleported his-bad-self into the house) and went out to confront HIM-whose-name-we-do-not-speak. I got my wand (long, sturdy twig) and flipped the little bastard out into the driveway and then flung him into the nether-reaches of the shrubbery. YAY! I did it! I confronted my fear and I tackled it. I must be getting stronger every day. ;-)
I then promptly went inside, washed my hands about 20 times, got a stiff drink (it was close to 5:00, OK?, and I certainly deserved it!), put my feet up and de-compressed.
But I DID IT, I DID IT, I DID IT!!! I confronted that caterpillar and I took care of business. I am getting stronger every day!
BTW - Please don't invite me to the Woolly Bear Caterpillar Festival in Boone this year.
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